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Canada has lodged a shocking overnight bid for membership of the European Union, prompted by Donald Trump’s rhetoric about making the country the 51st state of the United States.
When European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen checked her inbox this morning, she did not expect to find an email from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau marked ‘URGENT’.
Contained within that message was Canada’s EU membership application, put together by government officials quickly over the weekend, following Donald Trump’s announcement of tariffs on Canadian imports.
“We’ve had enough. That moron across the border keeps saying he wants us to be the 51st state. Well that ain’t happening, we’d rather become the 28th member state,” Trudeau insisted in his email.
“I believe that we are all on the same page. We even share a border via Greenland, which Denmark should of course hold on to,” Trudeau added. “Hey, we’ll even do all our official EU correspondences in French if you’d like.”
Canada is likely to pass the normally gruelling application process with flying colours, given its high level of development in areas like healthcare and social services. Canadian voters are also likely to vote in favour of the plan, given the public’s pure hatred for Trump.
In the meantime, Canada has stepped up border patrols, which are on the lookout for American citizens fleeing the new oppressive regime in Washington. Trudeau has also authorised Canada’s mounted policemen to impound and destroy all Teslas.
The EU Parliament is scheduled to debate Canada’s application in the coming weeks.
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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
