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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
Italy’s PM Sues Singer Songwriters
Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni has started legal action against British rock band Placebo, as well as a host of other musicians that she claims have targeted her with their songs.
According to local media last week, Meloni is suing Placebo’s lead singer after he allegedly called her a “racist fascist”. The ‘Every Me And Every You’ frontman is not the only performer in Meloni’s legal crosshairs.
Le Chou can exclusively report that Italy’s PM is also seeking damages from Radiohead, alleging that the band called her a “creep and a weirdo” in one of their most popular and self-loathing songs.
In a clear case of toxic main character syndrome, Meloni is also suing Carly Simon for calling her “vain”, Beck for saying she is a “loser” and Nicki Minaj for alleging she is a “stupid hoe”.
Legal action is ongoing.
Chinese Spy Fired After Charles Michel Wiretap Proves ‘Useless’
China has fired one of its numerous spies in Brussels after one agent devoted too much of his time to surveilling Charles Michel. Beijing has branded that operation “a total waste of resources”.
According to sources embedded deep within China’s spying apparatus, a long-serving spy has been relieved of his duties after 18 months of phone surveillance and late-night observations of the EU Council president yielded “absolutely nothing of value”.
“Michel is a total dead-end. A blackhole of ambition. Everyone knows that he is not trusted with anything important,” one spymaster reportedly said, adding that it was a total dereliction of duty to “waste even one wiretap on him”.
The now ex-spy is understood to have pursued the Michel lead against his better judgement after Le Chou reported that the EU Council president sleeps on a mattress stuffed with classified documents.
Exclusive Poll Shows Dog Is Favourite To Be Next EU President
Barney the Golden Retriever is the leading candidate to be the next European Commission president, according to an exclusive new poll commissioned by the Le Chou Media Group.
Less than one year out from the EU elections in June 2024 and the race to be the next head of the EU executive is warming up. Incumbent Ursula von der Leyen is yet to declare her intentions but her potential path to reelection has just become all that more difficult to navigate.
That is because according to exclusive polling for Le Chou, 8-year-old Barney the dog, a Golden Retriever living in the suburbs just outside Copenhagen, is now the clear favourite to be the next president.
Voters say that they love Barney’s thick furry coat, the cute barks he does when he is hungry and his policies towards China. A veteran of local politics, Barney is considered an alpha among the neighbourhood dogs and a “very good boy” by the area’s postman.
Other potential candidates including France’s Thierry Breton and Dutchman Mark Rutte polled at “near zero”, according to the poll.
Extra! Extra!
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
