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*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
European Council chief Charles Michel only has a couple of months left of employment before he is cast out into the cold cruel world. Le Chou has come up with eight jobs the Belgian could do afterwards.
- Championship dog breeder
Charles Michel has bred Pekingnese dogs on an amateur basis for about fifteen years. Freed from the constraints of a desk job, the former Belgian prime minister could devote all of his time to raising the diminutive pooches.
- Think tank chairman
According to sources, the newly created Centre for Responsible European Transitions and International Naivety is looking for a chairman. Michel’s current coworkers say he is “clearly a candidate for that job”.
- Ambassador to Antarctica
Top diplomats have suggested that Michel could be posted to a new EU office in Antarctica to get him as far from Brussels as possible. His favourite animal is the penguin but he has never seen one in real life.
- Sofa salesman
The Belgian is synonymous with couches after the infamous events of ‘Sofa-gate’. It would be foolish of him not to cash in that notoriety and a line of signature sofas could be his ‘Air Jordan’ moment.
- That guy who dies first in a horror movie.
Charles Michel clearly has that vibe of “guy the axe murderer will kill first” and he should definitely capitalise on that.
- Steward of Arrakis
Michel has reportedly been offered the stewardship of the desert planet Arrakis by the galactic emperor. Too naive to realise that it is clearly a trap crafted as part of a wider political game, Michel has apparently already accepted the offer.
- Galactus’ herald
Marvel movie fans will be delighted to hear that Michel is in the running to play the ‘Silver Surfer’, a tragic, shaven-headed reluctant anti-hero who acts as the messenger of comic book supervillain Galactus, a cosmic entity that eats entire planets.
- Head of Deutsche Bahn operations
German train firm Deutsche Bahn has reportedly tapped Michel to lead a reorganisation of management as part of a new strategy meant to revitalise the company’s flagging reputation. “We think that a figure of Charles Michel’s stature could be an asset,” said a DB spokesman.
Extra! Extra!
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
