Regardless of how frequently one partakes in the age-old practice of (intentionally) insulting another person, there is no doubt that knowing how to insult someone — and, perhaps even more importantly, knowing when you are being insulted — is crucial to mastering any language or culture.
Fully comprehending this practice of giving (and taking) offence is, however, especially complicated in Belgium, with its three official languages, numerous dialects, and bizarre local idioms.
This complexity is further compounded by the country's heavy cross-border linguistic and cultural influences, which mean that finding a specifically Belgian way of offending someone can often be exceptionally difficult.
To help you navigate this predicament, The Brussels Times has compiled a list of 20 words — 10 in French, and 10 in Dutch — that are habitually used by Belgians to offend and otherwise (verbally) abuse one another.
Whether you are scolding a messy housemate, rebuking an annoying child, or raging against an unfaithful spouse, we hope that you'll find something appropriate for most condemnatory occasions and/or verbal confrontations.
Now start reading. You tich.
French expressions
"Baraki" (male) or "barakresse" (female)
Definition: A poorly educated, rude, or generally boorish individual. Originally used to refer to someone who worked at the fairground and/or lives in a caravan. Has strong class connotations.
Closest English equivalent: A redneck or hillbilly.
"Une flatte"
Definition: Cow turd or dung. Often used to describe an extremely lazy person.
Closest English equivalent: A piece of shit; a couch potato.
"Un lamecaq"
Definition: A foolish or crazy person. Often used to describe someone untrustworthy.
Closest English equivalent: A nut case or lunatic.
"Un brol"
Definition: A mess. Can also be used as a verb (broler) or adjective (broleux or broleuse). Frequently used by French-speaking Belgians instead of bordel, the more quintessentially French word for chaos or disorder (and, probably relatedly, a brothel). Useful for scolding unruly children and untidy flatmates.
Closest English equivalent: N/A. (Although it could perhaps be compared to a less dated version of "a pig's breakfast.")
"Dikkenek"
Definition: An arrogant or boastful person. Derived from the Dutch words for "fat" (dikke) and "neck" (nek). Also the name of a cult 2006 Belgian film. Can also be used in Dutch.
Closest English equivalent: A bighead.
"Un metekoe"
Definition: Derives from Dutch words for "with" (met) and "cow" (koe). Implies that the person is simple or has poor manners; often used pejoratively to describe rural Belgians. Like "baraki," has strong class connotations.
Closest English equivalent: A peasant.
"Un zieverer"
Definition: A typically Brusselaire expression. Used to describe someone who repeatedly tells exaggerated or downright false stories.
Closest English equivalent: A bullshitter.
"Un bauyard"
Definition: An idiotic or annoying person.
Closest English equivalent: An asshole.
"Un peye"
Definition: Another typically Brusselaire expression. Can be used to designate virtually any male person. Only has a very slight negative connotation, but is nevertheless worth being aware of both for its popularity and its use in the aforementioned cult film "Dikkenek." ("Quel klet ce peye!")
Closest English equivalent: N/A. (Although it could perhaps be compared to a less offensive version of "douchebag.")
"Un tich"
Definition: Brussels slang for "penis." A more insulting way of referring to a male person than peye, although it can also occasionally be used semi-endearingly. ("Ça va, tich?")
Closest English equivalent: A prick.
Dutch expressions
"Snotneus"
Definition: Literally means what you probably think it means, namely a snot nose. In practice, it refers to a whiny or annoying (or "snotty") individual.
Closest English equivalent: A brat.
"Zot"
Definition: An idiotic or foolish person. Can also be used in French. (Also the name of a delicious Bruges beer.)
Closest English equivalent: An idiot or clown.
"Scheefpoeper"
Definition: Literally a "crooked pooper." Refers to someone — typically a man — who frequently cheats on their partner.
Closest English equivalent: A love rat.
"Del"
Definition: A less-amusing-sounding female equivalent of "scheefpoeper."
Closest English equivalent: A slut.
"Klet"
Definition: Similar to the Dutch word for "dude" (ket), except this word suggests that the other person is also extremely annoying.
Closest English equivalent: A douchebag.
"Klootzak"
Definition: Literally a ballsack, although in practice the word is often used to suggest that the person is comparable (or identical) to another part of the human anatomy. For a less offensive variant, just say zak. Also frequently used in the Netherlands.
Closest English equivalent: An asshole.
"Tettekop"
Definition: A "boob head." Frequently used to refer to someone very stupid.
Closest English equivalent: An idiot or moron.
"Kalf"
Definition: Despite its obvious (and innocuous) literal meaning ("calf"), in practice this word is used in a similar way to "tettekop," except it typically refers exclusively to young people.
Closest English equivalent: An idiot.
"Kwal"
Definition: Literally refers to a jellyfish; in practice, it refers to an exceedingly "slimy," unprincipled, arrogant individual.
Closest English equivalent: A slimeball (more specifically, an arrogant slimeball).
"Uw bakkes"
Definition: Literally means "your mouth." A very insulting way of telling someone to, er, cease talking.
Closest English equivalent: Shut the f*ck up.
Maïthé Chini, Lauren Walker, Mathias Vanlishout, and Zander Villers also contributed to this article.
