Five years ago I became Belgian. That was the easy bit. Being Belgian is much more difficult.
It doesn’t help that most locals have little idea what being Belgian means. Nor does it help that when you proudly announce your new nationality, some reply: "But you’re not a real Belgian" – without explaining what that is.
So as National Day approaches I designed a little quiz to find out whether there’s such a thing as a "real Belgian". And if not, whether it’s possible to be "a lot", "fairly" or "a little bit" Belgian.
1. Do you know the words to the Belgian national anthem? Yes/No?
If you answered no, give yourself a point. Most Belgians don’t know the lyrics to La Brabançonne – not even former prime minister Yves Leterme, who belted out La Marseillaise when asked to sing his country’s anthem by a TV reporter. On National Day.
2. Does Belgian National Day celebrate:
a) The anniversary of the investiture of Leopold I as the first King of the Belgians in 1831?
b) The Belgian revolution, which chucked out the country’s Dutch overlords in 1830?
Give yourself a point if a) was your answer. But don’t fret if you got it wrong – so did Yves Leterme in the same legendary 2007 interview.
3. You are driving in a 30km/h zone but there are no police or radars visible. Do you stick to the speed limit? Yes/No?
No gets you one point. Belgians are speed addicts and view laws as optional, not obligatory.
4. You order a Duvel beer, but the barman serves it to you in a Jupiler glass. Do you protest? Yes/No.
Of course! The size and shape of glasses is considered so important that some bar staff won’t serve your beer if they’re out of the glass that goes with it. So one point for yes.
5. Mayonnaise or ketchup with your fritjes/frites?
Mayonnaise, obviously. Preferably homemade or in some spicy variation like Andalouse or Samourai sauce. One point for mayo, nothing for acting like an American tourist.
6. Belgium are playing the Netherlands in football. Do you support the Red Devils or their arch-rivals?
The question is a no-brainer – unless you’re Tom Van Grieken, the leader of the hard-right Vlaams Belang party, who supports the Dutch against the Belgians. One point for backing De Bruyne, Lukaku and team, nothing for cheering the men in orange.
Belgium supporters in at the UEFA Euro 2024 European championships in Dusseldorf, Germany, July 2024. Credit: Belga
7. Who is Jean Van Hamme - a graphic novelist or a martial arts actor?
He’s the Belgian author of legendary graphic novel series XIII, Thorgal and Largo Winch. Not to be confused with Jean-Claude Van Damme, the martial arts actor known as the "Muscles from Brussels".
8. It’s Belgian National Day – how do you celebrate?
a) By sellotaping a small paper flag to your window in a simple but poignant display of patriotism?
b) By dressing up as the devil, painting your face black, red and yellow and tearfully watching a band play Plastic Bertrand cover versions as you tell your friends why Belgium is the best country in the world?
Belgians are rarely nationalistic, so definitely not b). Give yourself a point and pour yourself a pint if you answered a).
9. When friends say they’re going to do the "Descente de la Leffe" are they heading to a rowdy festival near Tournai or on a kayak expedition in the Ardennes?
One point for the beer, music and comedy festival – not to be confused with the popular ‘Descente de la Lesse’ kayaking trip.
A child kayaking on the Lesse river. Credit: Belga archives
10. When someone tells you something is "tof" does it mean it’s "tough" or "great"?
"C’est tof" or "Dat is tof" means "That’s great" – so hand yourself a point for being "tof".
11. You’re driving to Mons, but when you enter Flanders all signs for the city disappear. At a motorway intersection you have to decide whether to take the road to Rijsel or Bergen. Which one do you go for to arrive in Mons?
One point for "Bergen" (the Dutch word for Mons). Zero for "Rijsel" (the Dutch word for Lille).
12. You’re greeting friends of friends at a social event. Do you kiss them once on the cheek or twice?
One kiss = one point. Two, three or four kisses is a French thing.
13. You’ve drunk a glass of champagne, half a bottle of wine and a "little something for the road" at a party. Getting into the car, do you:
a) Hand your keys to your friend Bob
b) Tell Bob: "I drive better when I drink. Anyway, there are usually no police around at this hour."
The answer is a). But sadly drink-driving is often practiced, widely tolerated and rarely punished in Belgium.
14. What are the "Belgian classics"?
a) Beloved novels like La Femme de Gilles by Madeleine Bourdouxhe and The Sorrow of Belgium by Hugo Claus?
b) A series of spring bike races on bone-rattling cobblestones watched by men and women who like lycra?
Give yourself a point if b) was your answer.
The Belgian Classics are some of the most challenging professional one-day races. Mathieu van der Poel in action on the Paterberg in the men's 'Ronde van Vlaanderen/ Tour de Flandres', 31 March 2024. Credit: Belga
15. You ask someone in a position of authority whether you’re allowed to do something you’re not really supposed to do. They reply "normalement, non". Do you take that to mean:
a) Yes, but just this once
b) No
One point for a). Not to be confused with "Non, peut-être" which means "Yes, of course".
Results
15/15 – You’re more Belgian than any Belgian
13 or 14 – You’re a ‘real Belgian’. Whatever that means.
10, 11, 12 – You’re definitely Belgian but need to drive more recklessly to be a ‘real Belgian’.
7, 8 , 9 – You must try harder at being Belgian. Read more comic strips and eat more chocolate.
5 or 6 – You’re former Belgian prime minister Yves Leterme, aren’t you?
0-5 – You just became Belgian because of the wonderful weather, didn’t you?
A parade on the Belgian National Day, in Hannut, Wallonia. Thursday 21 July 2022. Credit: Belga
Disclaimer: This quiz is not meant to be taken seriously. You don’t have to love the king, Angèle, waffles, mussels and fries or tell dodgy jokes to be Belgian – which is one of the many reasons we love this country. Thanks to Craig Winneker, Daphné Robberechts and Martin Jones for their contributions.
