Le Chou is Europe's most dedicated source of news. Catch up weekly on the biggest headlines with our roundup, all with an intentionally inaccurate and satirical streak. Follow live updates on Twitter and watch Le Chou TV on Instagram.
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
‘Barbie’ Banned Across Europe
The ‘Barbie’ movie has been banned in certain European countries, as the content of the forthcoming release stokes controversy among some of Europe’s most craven politicians.
‘Barbie’, starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling, is due to hit cinemas later this month but is already proving to be controversial, particularly in Hungary and Serbia, which have banned the movie from theatres.
According to the government of Viktor Orban, the film will not be released because in one scene, Barbie is pictured in front of a world map that does not feature ‘Greater Hungary’, a fictional geographical location beloved of Central European irredentists.
“We will not allow this woke, anti-Hungary propaganda to infect the minds of our young people,” said a government spokesperson, who ended the call when Le Chou called it ‘Big Hungary’ instead.
Across the border in Serbia, President Aleksandar Vučić followed suit in banning the film, claiming that the car driven by Barbie has Kosovo licence plates, reviving a long-running spat with the now-independent, former province.
Greece is also reportedly contemplating a ban after test footage shown to government officials included a scene where Barbie and Ken are crossing a body of water, “possibly illegally”.
EPP Bee-Bashing Hits New Low
Europe’s centre-right conservatives were ridiculed into oblivion last week when a social media post insisted that a new EU law on nature restoration will make Santa Claus homeless. Sources say it was an unintended mistake.
The EPP’s crusade against biodiversity reached new lows when a tweet from the political group claimed that Santa Claus would be evicted from his Finnish home because of the new EU law.
That prompted a raft of replies pointing out that this was simply not true, either because the law does not actually say what the EPP claims or because Father Christmas is not an actual living entity.
Sources from within the EPP now say that the Santa Claus tweet was just a suggestion from a senior policy advisor, not an actual idea meant for publication. “I said ‘something like Santa will be evicted’ but didn’t think they’d actually use it,” the source reveals. "Now we look like total morons."
According to a freedom of information request lodged by Le Chou, the EPP also drafted two other tweets that were not published. One said that the Moomins, Finnish cartoon characters, would be eaten by EU climate chief Frans Timmermans, under the new law.
The other unpublished tweet claims that if the law is enacted, bees will grow to the same size as golden eagles and will terrorise European farmers, meaning Ukraine will lose the war against Russia and 5-year-olds everywhere will get cancer.
The EPP has not be approached for comment because it is Monday morning and Le Chou cannot deal with that right now.
Dutch Government Collapses After PM Seen Wearing Bike Helmet
The Netherlands is heading to the ballot boxes once again after Prime Minister Mark Rutte’s government coalition collapsed after he was seen cycling while wearing a helmet. The long-time leader may not survive this latest scandal.
Rutte has led the Netherlands for well over a decade but that time may be drawing to a close after eagle-eyed paparazzi snapped the prime minister riding his bicycle while wearing a helmet.
“I cannot believe he did this. It is completely against Dutch traditions,” one Amsterdam resident told Le Chou when shown the incriminating photo. “I think he needs to go,” said another.
The embattled PM was last seen leaving the Dutch royal palace after informing the king of his decision to resign before heading for the border in his 17-year-old Saab, bound for Brussels.
Rutte is reportedly wasting no time in looking for another job and is scouting out his options in the EU capital. European Council boss Charles Michel has instructed his security staff to prevent Rutte from entering the building.
Extra! Extra!
*Le Chou is intended for purely satirical and entertainment purposes and does not reflect the views of The Brussels Times*
